My utilization of sources as evidence improved greatly throughout the drafts of this project. For my first draft, I used the quote “‘Once I was a scuba diver in the sea of words. Now I zip along the surface like a guy on a Jet Ski’ (Carr 2).” (Renton 1). This is a solid selection for a quote. The metaphor of a “scuba diver” and a “Jet Ski” illustrates the argument of technology’s effect on cognition. It enhances Carr’s point of view and enhances my argument by encompassing both of our ideas. That being said, the explanation around it could have been more developed. In my final draft, I gave the quote more context and integrated it into my argument. I didn’t just present the quote to the readers without reason, I embedded it into my essay. I connected it to what I was saying and I gave relevance to the quote in relation to what I was arguing. Explaining the quote was another focus point of mine during revision. In the first draft, I used a quote from Turkle that stated ““…we turn to our phones instead of each other” (Turkle 343). I had briefly explained the quote after, saying that people prefer being behind technological screens for its feeling of safety and security. In the final draft, I adjusted my reasoning by including an introductory statement for the quote. This detailed analysis connected the quote to my idea of “an escape from reality” and to my central ideas presented in my essay.
