Peer review was a great way to get feedback on my essay from fellow students. I have chosen my peer review from Cassandra Sanger on project two to discuss. The first piece of guidance I gave her was to improve her thesis. I wrote “I believe this is your thesis, but it could be a little clearer what you are trying to say.” I could tell there was a thesis somewhere in her introduction, but it wasn’t a clear or concise statement. Considering that the rest of her essay will rely upon a strong thesis and that it was a key part of the rubric, fixing it would greatly improve her essay. Another thing I noted was to add a transition or introduction into her Sherry Turkle quote. We often discussed in class the act of dropping a quote randomly into our writing for the sake of fulfilling the rubric. It is important to introduce the quote to effectively communicate the writer’s ideas. Without an introduction, the quote is bland or confusing for the reader. In addition to providing negative feedback, I also provided positive feedback. In the first paragraph, I stated “Good introduction for both Turkle and Carr, along with contrasting their ideas.” This was mainly to reassure Sanger that she is doing a good job and to make sure she leaves this section in her writing because it is a good addition to her introduction. This gave her confidence in her writing so she could complete it well.
One major thing I realized throughout my peer review is that I should have been taking my own advice. I would often critique other essays and give them feedback, but I would fail to do the exact same thing in my own essay. For example, I told her to better introduce the quote, while I failed to do so a few times. In one paragraph, I had said “Face-to-face interaction is necessary, because…” (Renton2). I ended this sentence with a quote and it seems random and misplaced. I should have followed my own criticism and presented the quote better.
The main topic of feedback I received from my professor was to expand upon the ideas I gave and to delve deeper into connections between the text and myself. A clear example of this was my conclusion. In my first draft, I didn’t include a conclusion, leaving the writers’ ideas unconnected and didn’t relate them to my own. I amended this in my conclusion, while also leaving the reader with a final thought to comprehend.
